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Explorer Map 297 – Lower Wharfedale & Washburn Valley

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A Gentlemans Evening

Submitted by on Friday, 16 October 2009One Comment

Twenty years ago this week two of the Waffledalers, Nelly & Sherry got married. I will cover weddings in a future post, but what I want to reminisce upon today is the Gentlemans Evening we had in Nelly’s honour, you know, the bachelor party… the stag night…

This particular one started out much like any other Waffledale stag, a minibus, self-drive hire, driven usually by yours truly, collects the revellers from their various pick up points and heads out into the night to our first watering hole.

Our trip takes on a route of country pubs, and there’s instant commotion on the bus as the excited chaps wind themselves up, commotion helped by the drivers subtle act of whenever he comes up to a stop sign slowing down to about 5 miles an hour then slamming on the brakes, which, as Sir Isaac Newton will tell you, throws those without seatbelts off their seats quite effectively… and spills the beers… and as a driver it is even better if you can then speed off straight away as they don’t have time to get their balance again before being thrown about again… As we drive along the guys are giving the cars following ‘V’ for Victor signs (see the ‘Bin Liners For Sale‘ post for details) out of the back window to show to the following drivers that they are behaving in a particularly mature fashion.

After a few pubs and a few drinks and a few more pubs and a few more drinks it’s time to celebrate the loss of Nelly’s freedom by ritual sacrifice to the flames of the bridegroom to be’s shreddies.

So a convenient layby is found, and the shreddies are removed, at this time the sacred symbols and texts are inscribed upon the grooms nether regions… instructions for the bride and groom to follow to consummate the marriage

nellystag
Nelly having the sacred words inscribed upon his person
I believe Nookie was writing ‘Knob here’ at this point

Then the shreddies are removed and in a solemn, almost ceremonial religious manner they are set aflame, and held up for all to see

nellystag4
Thornbush points to the burning shreddies held up by Tobias, The Git and Wadd chanting circle them in the ritual dance

while Nookie, Roger, Nelly the Pump and Lawrenzo look on

nellystag2
Thornbush dances the ritual dance while The Git bows down to the flaming sacrifice
Hubert looks on

Then with the gods appeased and the forthcoming marriage ceremony blessed, I, as the only sober one present have to persuade the revellers to get back on the minibus so I can drove them all home… At the same time as the Gentlemen went out for the evening, the ladies escorted the Bride to be out for a pleasant dinner at a local restaurant… the ladies were shocked by the reports of our behaviour and more than a little envious of  all the fun and excitement we had had !

nellystag3
Okay… so after the sacrifice there is a tree in the back of the minibus…
I blame The Git !

(well okay, I have a photograph of him pulling it down to prove it)
Why Ibbo has got no shirt on I do not know

The thing is, that this was one of our early and quieter Stag nights, we got more and more out of control as more and more marriages took place, eventually we ran out of bridegrooms and had ‘short straw stag’ gentlemens evenings where we drew straws to see who was going to be cast in the role of bridegroom for the nights festivities ! … and yes there were strippers, and traffic cones, and Police… I’ll get round to the more lively stag nights in later posts !

One Comment »

  • Bush said:

    Fil thanks for the memories, I do remember Neil had even supplied the markers! Very strange.

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